Terrified of the future…

Your Question: Hello Betsy. I'm 57 years old and have been married for thirty-three years. Though we have have some challenges to overcome, we're happier now than we have ever been. We are facing the next chapters of our lives, and there's only one thing that terrifies me; life after the other has passed away. Neither of us can imagine what it will be like to have to go on without the other. How does one prepare for life after losing your life partner? I don't know that I have the strength to carry on by myself, should my wife pass before me.

Thank you for any advice/wisdom that you can share,
James

Hello James, thank you for your question… Firstly I believe if we stay in the present and don’t “future trip” we are always ok. When we worry about things in the future (that we can’t control by the way) that takes away the beauty of the moment. Why not focus on how grateful you both are for what you have right now? Which is each other and this beautiful relationship that you have.  Observe your thinking and when you have negative thoughts about the future say to yourself “stop! stay grateful for right now." My father always said the things we worry about the most usually don't happen.. What if you both die at the same time? What if, what if?? There are so many variables and what if the person that's left behind is just fine. We don't know what we don't know so when we focus on scary thoughts, that may never happen, it takes away the beauty of the moment. How wonderful that you've had so many magical years together and hopefully there will be so many more. Maybe you'll live into your 90s or 100’s, who knows! Stay focused on today and how grateful you are for each other because when we stay in gratitude, it's very hard to be miserable and your future scary thoughts (which aren’t real) are what’s causing your misery. Get the book “The secret to Mental Health” by one of my teachers George Pransky on Amazon. I hope this helps and lucky you to have found your true love!